Of spies and sugar
by todd fan
Summary: COMPLETE - Sawyer gets his hands on a bunch of chocolate bars...madness ensues.
1. A package

Of spies and sugar  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family".  
  
**  
  
Hello, my dear readers. I decided for a change to write an LXG fic, you poor souls you. For continuitys sake, this is set in 1900, a year after the movie. Why this year, I hear you ask? It's the year the first Herseys milk chocolate bar began to be sold...I think you may know where I'm going with this. Heh heh heh.  
  
**  
  
Chapter 1 - A package  
  
**  
  
Ahhh, shore leave. That wonderfull time when the residents of the Nautilus could get out, stretch their legs, take in the local surroundings..or pickpocket and/or scare the locals. Maybe the last option just belonged to Skinner, unless you counted the times Jekyll and Hyde chose to have an argument with themselves. It also meant the members of the League could get as far away from each other as possible for a short while. This was the biggest blessing of all, as close as they had become to each other in the past year, being trapped in a submarine with so many conflicting characters did put a strain on the team. And so, the League members often put themselves up in seperate hotel rooms...and in some cases, seperate hotels and did their best to deny each others existance for the time spent on land...all except for Tom Sawyer. Sawyer, unlike the other members of the League, hadn't spent alot of time alone, and wasn't really one for solitude. Because of this, he chose this day, the final morning of shore leave, to take it upon himself to be sure all his friends were ready for their trip back into the Nautilus. He whistled happily to himself as he bounded up the steps of one of the hotels in their port of call in London. He'd already found Jekyll, and Nemo was already aboard his vessel, prefering to sleep there than anywhere else. Now all he had to do was find Mina and Skinner and his duties would be done.  
  
"Can I help you, Sir?", drawled a very bored desk-clerk.  
  
"I sure hope you can", said Sawyer cheerfully, leaning on the desk, "I'm looking for either a Mrs Mina Harker or a Mr Rodney Skinner, have either checked in?".  
  
"I'm sorry, Sir", said the clerk, "but I cannot divulge such information, hotel policy".  
  
"Darn, that's a crying shame", said Sawyer, trying to peer over the desk at the signing-in book, "because I have a very urgent message for each of them. It's a matter of national emergency"  
  
The clerk looked unimpressed.  
  
"Indeed, Sir", he said dryly, "but hotel rules forbid me to...".  
  
"Would it help if I told you I was part of the American Secret Service?", tried Sawyer.  
  
"Only if we were in America, Sir", said the clerk, "which, we are not...Good-day, Sir".  
  
Sawyer blinked at him for a moment more, before sighing defeatedly and walking away from the desk. Okay, so he needed a plan, he wasn't a spy for nothing. Oooh, he could get a coat hanger, straighten it out, and use it to hook keys off the wall behind the clerk...as soon as he found out which rooms his friends were staying in, that was. Now, how to do that...  
  
"Good Morning, Mr Sawyer"  
  
"GAH!", Sawyer jumped in the air as Mina blinked from behind him, having just come into the lobby.  
  
"I'm sorry", she said, "I did not mean to startle you..."  
  
"You didn't", insisted Sawyer, "I knew you were there the whole time, I was just demonstrating a...err.. a defence tactic, yeah, that's it".  
  
"Of course", Mina humoured him.  
  
Sawyer cleared his throat, ready to do his job.  
  
"Nemo says we're casting off early this morning", he said, "we need to be back on the Nautilus for eleven".  
  
Mina gave a nod.  
  
"Fair enough", she said, then tried to go around the American agent, who stood her her way.  
  
"Say, all I need to find now is Skinner, know where he is?".  
  
"Why on earth would I want to know where Skinner is?", she said rolling her eyes, before sighing, "room sixteen. He tried to 'vistit' me last night. Unfortunately for him, I was out.....trying the local cuisine".  
  
Sawyer grimmaced, knowing exactly what 'local cuisine' meant for Mia.  
  
"Thanks for the image", he said, "I'll..err..go get him".  
  
"You do that", said Mina placidly, walking away.  
  
**  
  
Half an hour later, using his 'hook' method, Sawer had been able to get a spare set of keys for Skinners room, and so had ehaded off to find his invisble companion. As he entered the room, he noted the Skinner-shaped lump of sheets on the bed, moving in a breathing motion. Sawyer decided to wake him up in the same 'gentle' way he'd awoken Jekyll.  
  
"GOOD MORNING, SKINNER!!!", he shouted, pulling open the curtains, letting the morning light flood into the room.  
  
"ARGGH!", came Skinner's voice, the sheets of the bed being pulled up and forming the shape of a head, "Sawyer, do the words 'transparent eyelids' mean ANYTHING to you?".  
  
"Aww don't be such a wuss", said Sawyer, "it's a lovely morning day!"  
  
Skinners dark glasses floated up from his nightstand, hovering in mid-air where his eyes were. If Saywer could have seen him, he would have seen Skinner wearing a deadly scowl. Unfortunately, one of the downsides of being invisible was that dirty looks were very much less effective than if you were visible.  
  
"How the bloody hell did you get into my room and why are you so cheery?".  
  
Skinner, apparently, was not a morning person.  
  
"I stole some spare keys and came to tell you that we have to be in the Nautilus by eleven", said Sawyer in one breath.  
  
"Okay, I'll be there", replied Skinner, then waited for a few moments, "... have you got somewhere else to go?"  
  
Sawyer pondered this, then decided being on an invisible man's 'bad side' wouldn't be a good thing.  
  
"Yeah, I'm going to see if there are any packages for me at the Post Office..er..bye".  
  
With that, he left Skinner to...whatever he did in the morning...He wondered how the guy shaved?  
  
**  
  
At eleven, everyone had, as promised, got onto the Nautilus. Skinner was back to his usual post-morning cheekyness, Jekyll was nervy, while Mina was, well, Mina. Sawyer whistled happily as he headed aboard and into the main room where they all met to decide where they were going. He dropped a large box on the table, causing his fellow League members to look at it curiously.  
  
"Mr Sawyer", said Nemo carefully, "what is in the box...it had better not be another pet".  
  
The last time Sawyer had tried to bring a 'pet' aboard the Nautilus, all Hell had broken lose. Sadly, Sawyer had chosen a puppy, which, on sniffing the insivible Skinner, had freaked out and ran around the ship until he was caught a few hours later, leaving a trail of destruction in his path.....Sawyer had NOT been popular that day.  
  
"Nah", said Sawyer, "who wants a pet when we have Mr Hyde"  
  
*Smarmy little Git*, was Hyde's reply.  
  
"Shhhh", said Jekyll.  
  
"What did he say?", asked Nemo.  
  
"He said he wishes Mr Sawyer would keep his personal jokes to himself", said Jekyll.  
  
*No, I didn't. Stop putting words in my mouth!*  
  
Jekyll chose to ignore his alter ego as Sawyer opened the box.  
  
"Ta daaa!", he said proudly, pulling out a small brown-wrapped item from the box with the words 'Hershey' written on them, "Aunt Polly sent these out to me. They've just started selling them back home"  
  
"It's....American", said Nemo, trying to hide a hint of distaste in his voice.  
  
"Yes, it's American", said Sawyer, "like me".  
  
"But...what IS it?", said Skinner, cocking his greasepainted face to the side.  
  
"It's chocolate", said Sawyer.  
  
"I'm not entirely fond of the stuff", replied Nemo, the seasoned traveler.  
  
"But it's not ordinary chocolate", said Sawyer, "it's MILK Chocolate, brand new, supposed to be real tasty. Anyone want some?"  
  
"I'm not hungry", replied Mina, "I filled up last night"  
  
"Please don't give any more information than that", said Jekyll with a shudder.  
  
*Wimp*, from Hyde, *I like girls with a bite of....bite*.  
  
"Unless you want to see me digest it, I think I better pass", said Skinner, besides he'd had enough of 'trying out new things', that's how he got into his current mess to begin with.  
  
Sawyer sighed, looking hopefully to his less 'digestively challenged' teamates.  
  
"No, thank you", said Jekyll, "I don't think a high ammount of sugar would be good for...us".  
  
*Awwww*, said Hyde, *I wanted some, let me have some of Sawyers chocolate!!!*  
  
"No!", replied Jekyll firmly.  
  
Not a single person batted an eyelid as Jekyll argued with his other phsyce....they were quite used to it by now.  
  
"As I said before", said Nemo, "I am not fond of the stuff. It's too sweet for my liking".  
  
"Well", said Sawyer, trying to hide the fact that his peace offering wasn't as wanted as he thought it would be, "I guess there's all the more for me"  
  
With that, he picked up his box and headed off for his room.  
  
**  
  
A while later, after the Nautilus was far out to sea, but not yet submerged, Jekyll, Skinner, Mina and Nemo were sitting in the dining room. Granted, Mina and Skinner (currently without his greasepaint) weren't actually eating, but still, sometimes things such as vampirism and invisibility just get in the way of things like that. Suddenly, one of Nemo's crew hurried into the room, whispered somethig to Nemo, then hurried back out. Nemo blinked once.  
  
"Oh", he said, then cleared his throat, "apparently, Mr Sawyer is dancing around on the deck, signing 'Daisy Daisy' very loudly".  
  
There was silence for a while.  
  
"Didn't I tell you to leave the lock on the liqour cabinet, Skinner?", said Mina, giving the invisible man an accusing glare...or at least where his clothing was floating.  
  
"Hey", said Skinner, holding up a pair of gloved hands, "I did, it's still locked now"  
  
He paused.  
  
"...Anyone want to go watch him?"  
  
There was another pause, Jekyll blinked.  
  
"Hyde says he wouldn't miss it for anything", he said, standing up, "...I'd better repsect his wishes, or he'll sulk all day".  
  
Nemo tried to think of a good reason to go, other than his own enjoyment of watching their youngest member make a complete fool of himself.  
  
"...I need to...make sure he does not harm my ship", he said, "yes, that's it".  
  
Mina sighed, rolling her eyes and standing up.  
  
"I gues I should be there in case he decides to jump overboard and I have to go in and get him".  
  
Skinner looked at all his teammates as they made up their excuses.  
  
"Fair enough", he said, "I'm just going to watch him for a bloody good laugh".  
  
**  
  
"Dai-sy Dai-sy give me your an-swer do, I'm half cra-zy all for the love of you".  
  
Sawayer sang loudly as he walked along the barrier of the Natiulus's deck. By the time his other League members had arrived, he was attempting to do it while hopping.  
  
"It won't be a styl-ish marriage, I can't af-ford a carriage. But you'd look sweet, up-on the seat, of a Bi-cy-cle built for two-ooooooooooooo!".  
  
He made his big finnish and bowed, then noticed his teammates loking at him in a mixture of worry, bemusement, irritation, and...whatever it was Skinner was showing.  
  
"Hey guys!", he said cheerily, "want to join me in a song?".  
  
"....Mr sawyer, what on Earth is wrong with you?", said Mina, blinking.  
  
"I'm fiiiiiiiiine", said Sawyer, "never better".  
  
"He sounds like Skinner when he's had too much to drink", mused Jekyll.  
  
"That ri...", Skinner paused, "HEY!".  
  
Nemo blinked a few times before sighing.  
  
"Mr Sawyer, how many bars of that infernal chocolate did you consume?".  
  
Saywer paused, making a face that was obviously counting.  
  
"I had...", he paused again, "the whoooooole lot!"  
  
"Well", coughed Jekyll, "that explains it. Mr Sawyer has consumed too much sugar....he'll will be hyperactive for quite some time".  
  
"Oh goodie", said Nemo dryly, "he had better not go anywhere near my machinery".  
  
Sawyer, meanwhile, had sat down on the bar of the deck, and had begun to giggle manically.  
  
*You hold him, and I'll punch*, said Hyde, *we'll have him down for the count in seconds, he can sleep it off*  
  
As tempting as the offer was, Jekyll chose to ignore it and chose instead to fiddle with his pocket watch.  
  
"Come on everybody!", said Sawyer, "lets have a sing-along"  
  
Skinner's glasses lowered to a point where they would have been on the bridge of his nose, so he could look over them at Sawyer. Had he been visible, one would have seen an arched brow.  
  
"Uhhh...huh", he said, then blinked as Sawyer plucked his hat off his head, "give that back!",  
  
Sawyer put the hat on his head, then jumped off the bar onto the bridge.  
  
"Look at me!", he said, "I'm Rodney Skinner, and I'm invisible, look at me!!!".  
  
"....I think that is a major contradiction, Sawyer", said Mina, shaking her head.  
  
She swiftly took the cap off Sawyer and deposited it on Skinner's head.  
  
"Oww", replied Skinner, "you nicked my ear".  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't see you", replied Mina with fake concern.  
  
"You knew I was there", protested Skinner, "you always do!".  
  
"Please don't start fighting...again", said Nemo with a sigh.  
  
Jekyll had been watching his teammates fight before pausing and glancing around.  
  
"...I hate to interupt", he said, "but...where has Sawyer gone?"  
  
Sawyer had, indeed, wandered off.  
  
"MY SHIP!", cried Nemo, running inside the Nautilus, as if it was one of his own children in dire peril.  
  
"This can not be a good thing", mused Mina.  
  
*****  
  
Bwhahahaha! What on earth can an American Secret Agent on a sugar rush get up to in a submarine? LOTS of things, that's what! The next chapter probably won't be as big. Do review, until next time..... 


	2. Capture

Of spies and sugar  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "Cool, I broke his brain"  
  
**  
  
Hi all, thanks for all the reviews, glad you like this insane piece of madness. And there are Skinner fans here! I'm with MY people *snuggles Skinner film cell*  
  
Rurouni Tyriel - Nope, the transparent eyelids I got from the original H.G.Wells novel 'The Invisible Man'...poor Griffin, he didn't see that big shovel coming...there's irony.  
  
**  
  
Chapter 2 - Capture  
  
**  
  
"Where IS he?!!!!".  
  
Nemo looked, to put it gently, traumatised. His poor, beautifull Lady, having a hyperactive American running rampant in her.  
  
"Maybe he decided to take a nap", said Skinner, unhelpfully.  
  
"We have to find him and detain him", said Nemo, "this is worse than having Hyde running around my Lady"  
  
*Hey! I SAVED your stupid boat*  
  
"He can't hear you, Edward", said Jekyll quietly.  
  
*Well, YOU tell him what I said*  
  
"..No...I don't think I will"  
  
The last person to refer to the Nautilus as a 'boat' was very neary tossed overboard..Jekyll didn't want to be on the buisness end of THAT, thank you very much.  
  
"We have to catch him first", pointed out Mina, "it's at times like this we could have used Alan's help".  
  
"Somehow, I don't think the 'Great White Hunter' would be interested in chasing Sawyer on a sugar high", said Skinner, "how are we supposed to find him, anyway?".  
  
"TA RA RA BOOM DE AY!"  
  
"...My guess", said Mina, "we follow the singing"  
  
**  
  
And so, the team had split up to search the Nautilus for the ellusive agent. Luckily, or unluckily, depending on who's opinion you're seeking, Mina was the first to find him. He had sat himself in one of the bathrooms, sitting in a bathtub with a paper hat on his head....singing a bizare song that Mina had never heard in her life.  
  
"We all live in a big long submarine, a big long submarine, a big long submarine", sang Sawyer as he swayed two and fro in the bath.  
  
"...What is that awfull racket?", said Mina, wrinkling up her nose.  
  
"A song!", said Sawyer, turning to grin at her, "I just made it up"  
  
"It's dreadfull", said Mina, walking slowly up to him..just in acse he chose to bolt.  
  
Sawyer pouted, crossing his arms.  
  
"One day, It'll be a classic, you'll see, then I'll point at you and laugh!".  
  
"....Indeed", said Mina dryly.  
  
Sawyer giggled.  
  
"You want to know a secret?", he said, leaning close to her.  
  
Mina rolled her eyes.  
  
"No, not really", she said, "but I have a sense of dread that you will tell me anyway"  
  
She was right. Sawyer glanced around supsicously before whispering in her ear.  
  
"I have two legs"  
  
Mina arched a brow as Sawyer collapsed in a fit of giggles.  
  
"Well....I can' really disagree with you there", she said, clearing her throat, "now, Mr Sawyer, I think it's time we took you to your room for a little lie down, mmm?"  
  
"I don't want to lie down!", pouted Sawyer, "I'm happy just sitting in my tub".  
  
Okay, so she would have to revert to other tactics. She leaned over him, clasping her hands on her knees and smiling at him as one would a small child.  
  
"Yes, but it is technically not your bath tub", said Mina, "I'm sure you REALLY would feel better in your room. Come on, I'll walk you there"  
  
Sawyer gave her a wairy glance before nodding and climbing out the tub, taking her hand and dragging her off out of the room and up the corridor. Just when Mina thought she was actually getting somewhere, Sawyer stopped dead by a porthole, peering through it into the water.  
  
"Where are all the fish?"  
  
"Mr Sawyer, we have not submerged yet", said Mina patiently, "you'll see the fish then"  
  
Sawyer giggled.  
  
"FISH!!!", he said, "Isn't that a funny word? Fish, fish, fish!"  
  
"...Why's he saying 'fish'", came Skinner's voice from nowhere.  
  
Thankfully, the crew of the Nautilus were used to Skinner just 'appearing' and so were less inclined to jump at a disembodied voice.  
  
"I really wish I knew", said Mina, "what took you so long? I have had to handle him all alone!!!"  
  
"Well, sor-ry!", said Skinner, "I came as quickly as I could. I'm not Phileas Fog, you know".  
  
Sawyer blinked away from his window, looking around for the owner of the voice. Seemingly to have forgotten exactly what Skinner could do, he started to wave his hands in front of him.  
  
"....Hello?", he said.  
  
"Oh look, he's got amnesia", said Skinner with a chuckle, "you know how to cure that? Whack 'em on the head! I saw a whole bunch of big, heavy hammers down in one of the engine rooms..."  
  
"Skinner, we are not, and I stress on the NOT, going to hit Sawyer over the head with any sort of heavy, blunt instrument", said Mina.  
  
"Awwwww, please?", said Skinner, "it'll keep him quiet"  
  
Sawyer sidled up close to Mina, whispering quietly.  
  
"I can hear a voice".  
  
Mina groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.  
  
"You hear Skinner, Mr Sawyer, only Skinner"  
  
"ONLY Skinner", Skinner muttered, "'oh don't worry, it's just the only Invisible Man in existance, nothing special, just set a few traps down, that will get rid of it'".  
  
"Shut up, Skinner", said Mina.  
  
"You shut up", said Skinner, "you people, first you're telling me to shut up, and when I'm quiet, you say I'm sneaking around! I can't win"  
  
"Skinner, this is not the time for your petty sob story", said Mina firmly.  
  
"It's not MY fault I'm Inivisible", Skinenr sniffed, "....okay, maybe it is, a little..but my point is, I HAVE to be noisy, or no one notices me"  
  
"Awwww poor Skinner", said Sawyer, sniffing, "I notice you"  
  
With that, he moved to throw a brotherly arm around Skinner's shoulder...unfortunately, he missed, and so fell on the floor with a thud.  
  
"You were nowhere near me", said Skinner, "try three feet to your left".  
  
Mina gave a frustrated sigh, dragging Sawyer to her feet with one arm and shoving Skinner with the other.  
  
"How do you DO that?", said Skinner, "seriously. You always know where to slap or hit, can you see me?"  
  
"No, and I do not wish to see you, especially if you are naked. Just help me get him to his room", she said, "before anymore mayhem ensues".  
  
"Lookit all the pretty stars, Aunt Polly", said Sawyer in a far off voice as one arm was flung over Mina's shoulder and the other supported by the unseen Skinner.  
  
**  
  
Shortly, Sawyer had been put into his room, and the other League members were gathered outside it.  
  
"Someone needs to stay in there and watch him", said Nemo, "I won't have him running around my Lady again".  
  
"Why don't you guard him, if you're so worried about your boa....", Skinner trailled off at the GLARE being directed at where he was now wearing his coat and glasses, "...very elegant vessel".  
  
"We will be submerging soon", said Nemo, "I need to preform my duties as captain"  
  
Mina finally spoke up from where she had been musing.  
  
"You know who could REALLY keep a control on him?", she said, "who would be strong enough to keep him from running out...".  
  
"No", replied Jekyll  
  
*I could, you know*, said Hyde, *first, I'd break his little legs, to stop him running off, then I'd tear out his little vocal chords, to...*  
  
"I KNOW what you want to do", snapped Jekyll, then looked at his teammates, "is it worth the risk?"  
  
"Well, in the end, we must keep Sawyer detained", said Mina, "....or risk him doing something to the Nautil..."  
  
"IT'S WORTH IT!!!!!", said Nemo, quickly, "very, very worth it!!!!"  
  
And so, Sawyer found himself a babysitter.  
  
***  
  
Bwhahahaha!!! Hyde is coming out to play, what follows? More insanity, of course!!!. Do review. Until next time.... 


	3. Hyde and seek

Of spies and sugar  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "He said he'd cut me up into little pieces and hide me under the floorboards!" "He did?" "No, but I'm sure he's capable of it"  
  
**  
  
How do, all, here we are with another chapter of Sugar-Rushed-Sawyer fun!  
  
**  
  
Chapter 3 - Hyde and seek  
  
**  
  
"I spy with little little eye, something begining with....door".  
  
Hyde turned his head slowly, blinking at Sawyer, who sat on his bed, grinning insanely.  
  
"Oh gee", said Hyde dryly, "could it be 'door'?"  
  
"WOW!", said Saywer in awe, "HOW did you guess?! You're really good at this game, you are".  
  
"Suddenly, I think this was a bad idea", muttered Hyde.  
  
*Too bad*, came the smug voice of Jekyll in his head, *you had the chance to back out*  
  
"If you weren't me, I'd kill you", said Hyde dangerously.  
  
"Who're you talking to", asked Sawyer, cocking his head, before giving a gasp of realisation, "can you hear the voice too?. I heard it in the corridor".  
  
"That was Skinner", said Hyde with a growl, "Skin-ner".  
  
"That's what the crazy vampire lady said too", said Sawyer, "you know what I think it is?"  
  
He glanced around.  
  
"Aliens", he said in an almost-whisper.  
  
Hyde watched him in silence for a long time.  
  
"You are a strange, little man", said Hyde, "and this is coming from someone with a split personality".  
  
"I like you best", said Sawyer with a nod, "Jekyll's a wimp"  
  
*Hey!*  
  
"He's telling the truth, Henry", said Hyde smugly.  
  
*Yes, well, it still hurt*, replied Jekyll, then paused, *what is he doing?*  
  
Hyde blinked over to Sawyer, who was frantically waving his hands over his own head. Hyde gave a frustrated sigh.  
  
"What is it NOW?".  
  
"I can't find my hat!!!", said Sawyer, "my paper sailing hat!!!"  
  
"Make another one", said Hyde with a shrug.  
  
"NO!", said Sawyer, "the boat'll sink without it!!! It's a magic hat!!!"  
  
Hyde arched a brow.  
  
"A magical PAPER hat?".  
  
"Yes!", said Sawyer, making for the door, "we have to find it!!!".  
  
"Get back here!", growled Hyde as he got up, chasing after Sawyer as he dashed off.  
  
**  
  
Elsewhere in the Nautilus, Skinner was making his usual 'snooping rounds'. After the incident involving Dorian, he had made it a habit of his to check if anyone was double crossing them. Well, no one actually was, but still, it gave good opportunities to gather blackmail evidence. He silently opened the door to Mina's room, she wasn't in there..not that it would have made a difference. He'd get in here, do a bit of nosing around and then leave, no problem. Skinner paused as he looked at the floor...okay, problem. Mina had apparently decided she'd had enough of 'visits' to her room, and had left a good layer of talcum powder, stretching from the door and away, at a distance just beyond a leap. There was no way Skinner could get across without leaving some sort of mark.  
  
"Well, bloody hell", he said, staring at it.  
  
"Clever, Isn't it?", smirked Mina, strolling past him into her room, "I'm not just a pretty face, you know"  
  
"I'd swear you people don't trust me", said Skinner.  
  
"We don't", said Mina, looking up in the general direction she assumed Skinner to be in, "now go away..before I get hungry".  
  
"You know, you're very anti-social", said Skinner.  
  
"Mr Skinner, if you think for one second I even...."  
  
Mina trailed off as Sawyer crawled past them in the corridor on his hands and knees.  
  
"Mr Hatty!!", he called, "come back, Mr Hatty!!".  
  
"GET BACK HERE!!!", growled Hyde, chasing after his charge.  
  
"Oh no, the fuzz!!", said Sawyer, getting up and running into Mina's room, putting her between himself and Hyde.  
  
"Whatever this is, I really don't want to get involved", said Mina.  
  
"Move out of the way, Mina, I'm gonna break his legs!", said Hyde.  
  
"Don't let him break my legs, Mina, please!!!", squealed Sawyer, "I like my legs! They help me do all the good stuff, like walking, running, jumping and....err..swimming!".  
  
"Is breaking his legs REALLY necessary, Edward?", said Mina, with a disgruntled sigh.  
  
Hyde pouted, crossing his arms.  
  
"I...guess not", he said, "but he's gotta go back to his room and stay there!"  
  
"Not until I find Mr Hatty!!!", pouted Sawyer, then jumped as he felt something touch his pocket, "ahhhhh!!!"  
  
"You mean THIS?", asked Skinner from where he had picked Sawyers pocket, the paper hat floating in mid air.  
  
"YES!", said Sawyer, plucking the hat from the invisible man and putting it back on his head, "thank you, kind spirit".  
  
Mina snorted.  
  
"I really think calling Skinner a 'kind spirit' is a bit of an overstatement, especially since he has just picked your pocket", she said.  
  
"Hey, if he wants me to be a kind spirit, then I am one", said Skinner, "and I just saved Hyde looking around the whole ship for a paper hat"  
  
"A MAGIC paper hat", said Sawyer firmly.  
  
"Okay, that's it", said Hyde, reaching over Mina's head, plucking up Sawyer and slinging him over his shoulder, "back to your cabin you go. Say bye bye, Mr Sawyer."  
  
"Bye bye crazy vampire lady and kind spirit", called out Sawyer.  
  
"Bye Sawyer...you odd freak of nature", said Skinner, shaking an unseen head.  
  
"Did he just call me 'crazy vampire lady'?", asked Mina.  
  
**  
  
Quite a while later, Nemo was patroling his corridors, pausing outside Sawyers cabin, hearing a deathly silence.  
  
"Oh no, Mr Hyde must have killed Mr Sawyer", he said in a monotone, "what a tragedy".  
  
He sighed, shaking his head as he opened the door to Sawyers room. It turned out Sawyer wasn't dead. In fact, he was animatedly miming something while Hyde sat on a chair, an identical paper hat on his head to the one Sawyer had on.  
  
"....What are you doing?", asked Nemo, a little unsure of this strange behaviour.  
  
"Sawyer's playing cherades!", said Hyde, "and it's a real tough one"  
  
"Mr Hyde..are you quite okay?", said Nemo, putting a hand to his sword, just in case.  
  
"I'm GREAT!", said Hyde, "guess what? Sawyer found one last bar of chocolate and gave it to me, wasn't that nice of him?"  
  
"...Oh no", said Nemo.  
  
"You can play cherades with us if you like", said Hyde with a grin, "you can even have a paper hat"  
  
"I think I shall pass", said Nemo, backing out of the room before dashing off to find the remaining sane members of the League.  
  
**  
  
Bwhahahahaha!!! I appologise, I had a bizare image of Hyde in a paper hat, and it wouldn't go away. Do review. Until next time... 


	4. Physchic hotline

Of spies and sugar  
  
By Todd Fan  
  
Disclaimer: "There are several levels of dead. Someone is not dead unless they're completely dead"  
  
**  
  
Hello, my dear readers. Here we are for the fourth and final chapter of this mad, mad story. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, hope you enjoyed it :D  
  
**  
  
Chapter 4 - Psychic hotline  
  
**  
  
It wasn't long before Nemo had managed to gather Skinner and Mina into the war room.  
  
""My friends, we have a dire problem", he said, "it seems that Sawyer has managed to give Mr Hyde some....chocolate"  
  
He was awarded with blank stares. Well....one blank stare and a pair of glasses.  
  
"Please tell me that was your poor attempt at a joke, Captain", said Mina.  
  
"I wish it was", said Nemo, then paused, "what do you mean, 'poor'? I can tell quite a good joke if I need to".  
  
"So, what can we do about it?", said Skinner quickly, before Nemo could launch into his 'An Elephant and a Chicken walk into a brothel' joke, "we can't exactly take down Hyde".  
  
"We'll have to keep them locked in one room until Jekyll's potion wears off", said Mina.  
  
"Have you ever heard of 'locking' Hyde anywhere?", said Skinner, shaking his invisible head, "he'll break the bloody door off".  
  
"Maybe", Nemo mused, "or maybe, in his sugar-high state of mind, he won't think of that".  
  
"The choice word we're working with her is 'maybe'", said Skinner, "besides, Hyde has the keys!"  
  
"Well, if someone could take the keys off him, then it wouldn't be a problem", said Mina, a smirk appearing on her face, "someone who could take them without noticing"  
  
"Someone", Nemo added, "who is already experienced as a pickpocket".  
  
Skinner's coat leapt up in the air as if of it's own accord, the 'empty' sleeves waving madly.  
  
"Oh nonononononono", said Skinner, "not me. I'm not going anywhere near Hyde!"  
  
"But he can't see you", insisted Mina.  
  
"I'm sure he can, you know", said Skinner, "sometimes....he looks RIGHT at me"  
  
"Oh, shut up, Skinner", said Nemo, "you're being paranoid".  
  
"No, I'm not", muttered Skinner, "besides, what's in it for me?"  
  
"The peace of mind knowing you've done an unselfish good deed?", tried Nemo.  
  
".....You don't know me at all, do you?", replied Skinner dryly.  
  
"Oh for pitty's sake", said Mina, "I'll let you rummage around my underwear drawer".  
  
There was silence for a minute.  
  
"I accept those terms"  
  
**  
  
"You SURE this'll work?"  
  
Hyde and Sawyer, still donning their paper hats, were hunched over a board on the table in their room. The board had letters and numbers scrawled on it, and Sawyer was holding a glass.  
  
"Sure, I'm sure", rpelied Sawyer, tapping the board, "an old voodo lady taught me this back home. All we have to do is put our hands on it and wait for Allan to drop in to say 'Howdy'".  
  
"And you think Allan would come to talk to us?", asked Hyde in wonder, "I mean, I'd have thought he'd be in Afirca"  
  
*This is a foolish piece of....foolerly*, slurred Jekyll.  
  
"Shut up, you".  
  
*Shut up yourself, you're the one doing the talking*  
  
Sawyer smiled, putting the glass on the board, and cleared his throat.  
  
"Allan", he called out, "oh, Allan. You here, buddy?"  
  
There was nothing.  
  
"Maybe we should shout louder?", suggested Hyde, "you know, loud enough to wake the dead and all that"  
  
"Great idea, Eddie!", said Sawyer, "on the count of three, one, two, three"  
  
"ALLAN!!!"  
  
They both paused...then, suddenly....the glass began to move. It skimmed over a few letters, spelling out 'H-e-l-l-o".  
  
"Oh boy, it worked!!!", squealed Hyde.  
  
"Told you it would!", said Sawyer smugly, "how's things been, Allan?"  
  
'C-a-n-t / c-o-m-p-l-a-i-n'  
  
"Wow, it's just like him, too!", said Hyde, then paused, "...what do we ask him?"  
  
Sawyer's brow furrowed, he clearly hadn't thought this far ahead.  
  
"Errr....", he said, "oh, I know, what's the meaning of life, Allan?"  
  
The glass was still for a long time, before it moved again.  
  
'C-h-e-e-s-e'  
  
"Wow", said Hyde in awe, before pausing, "I'm bored of this game, what do we do now?"  
  
"Well, we have to destroy the glass", said Saywer.  
  
Neither noticed the keys to the room floating up from Hyde's pocket.  
  
"Do we have to throw it at the ghost?"  
  
The keys dropped.  
  
"...I...think so", said Sawyer, the shrugged, "better safe than sorry"  
  
"He's over there!", said Hyde, pointing directly at the invisible 'ghost'  
  
"I KNEW it!!!", shouted Skinner....bad move.  
  
Sawyer tossed the glass, it hit something solid, smashed, and was followed by a 'thunk' sound on the floor.  
  
"Hey, you nailed that ghost good", said Hyde, before passing out himself.  
  
"Go me!!!!", said Sawyer in triumph, before smacking his head on the table with a snore.  
  
**  
  
"Skinner hasn't come back yet"  
  
A few hours later, Mina gave a hopefull smile at Nemo's comment.  
  
"Perhaps they've killed him"  
  
"Neither of us are THAT lucky", muttered Nemo, "we had better go and make sure he's all right"  
  
Reluctantly, Mina stood and followed Nemo back to the room. They were greeted by an unsual sight. Jekyll, his potion having worn off, was sleeping on the floor, a paper hat sitting on his head. Sawyer was collapsed on the table, muttering something about a raft. Skinner was nowhere to be found.  
  
"Owww", came a voice as Mina stood on soemthing.  
  
Oh, there he was.  
  
"Skinner?", asked Nemo, looking down, "what happened?"  
  
"They hit me with a glass!!", said Skinner, "stupid bloody idiots"  
  
"Raffles, Raffles come home!", said Jekyll, before blinking awake, "huh?"  
  
"Welcome back, Henry, sleep well?", said Mina icily.  
  
Jekyll winced.  
  
"Head...hurts", he replied, then groaned, "oh no, what did he do? What did you do, Edward?"  
  
*Quiet, sleeping*  
  
Nemo, meanwhile had begun to prod Sawyer at arms length.  
  
"Gaugh!", said Sawyer, opening a single eye, "am I dead?"  
  
Suddenly, his head thwacked forward as if something had it it with great force.  
  
"No, but you will be if you hit me with a glass ever again!", said Skinner.  
  
"Glass?", said Sawyer confused, then winced, "...too much to think..hurts".  
  
With that, he collapsed back on the table and began snoring.  
  
"What should we do with them now?", said Mina.  
  
"Let them sleep it off", said Nemo, then smirked, "I shall give them some really digusting crew jobs later"  
  
The three headed out of the room and down the corridor.  
  
"So, Mina", said Skinner, "when can I peek in your underwear drawer?"  
  
"Never", replied Mina, "you didn't get the keys"  
  
"Awww, not even a little bit?", said Skinner, "I won't tell what you have"  
  
Mina stomped down hard on an invisible foot with a satisfying crunch.  
  
"Shut up, Skinner"  
  
END  
  
**  
  
There we go, hope you guys liked this fic, and, who knows, when the mood takes me, I might just write another one ;) Thanks for reading and reviewing, love ya's!. 


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